Being the convenient friend is hard. It is not something that is easy at any point in life and it often becomes a waiting game. You always wonder why you are not good enough for them. You do everything under the sun to show that you care. Then you watch them do things for everyone else but you and it hurts.
Sometimes you actually have set plans and then they cancel at the last second with a poor excuse because they are feeling too lazy, or found something better to do. Yet, for some reason (which I will get to/explain later), you still cherish the time you have with that person and crave to hang out with them. It seems like they’re having the best time ever with you when you two do hang out and yet, you still feel like you’re put last.
What does it mean to be a “Convenient friend”?
My definition of being the convenient friend is always wanting to hang out with a friend who, it seems, puts everything and everyone else before you. However, when no one can hang out, or they need someone to go somewhere or do something with them and no one else can, they contact you. They hang out with you when it’s convenient for them. Granted, things get busy sometimes, but when it happens when things are not, then you know you have taken on the role. Especially if you swallow your feelings and always say, “It’s okay, next time.”
Confronting the issue.
I generally don’t. For me personally, it has happened so often that I just understand how it goes and don’t let it get to me as much as I used to. However, it is not a bad idea to confront it. If they are truly your good friend, they will hear you out and understand. Hopefully, they’ll do something to change it. However, if they have negative feedback and make you feel bad about it, BYE.
Are they doing it on purpose?
No. Absolutely not. Everyone has a different situation. Some are actually so busy they don’t even realize it, and others just don’t see that they’re doing it to you. In my opinion, it’s not an intentional thing to do to someone. Unfortunately, it just happens. Whether they just want to fit into a new/cool group of friends that doesn’t involve you, or they’re trying to impress someone else, it’s not targeted at you. Don’t take it too personally.
Should you stop being friends with them?
Not necessarily. Just don’t circle your life around them. Hang out with them when you can, but don’t be surprised or upset if plans fall through again. Also, absolutely do NOT wait around for them to contact you first. It may not happen. If you have to swallow your pride once in a while to contact them first, it’s okay. Just don’t be the one to do it every single time. They need to initiate too. And if they never ever actually reach out to you, then that’s when you shouldn’t waste your breath anymore.
Are you the only “victim”?
Nope. In fact, the people to whom you are the convenient friend, are most likely the convenient friend for someone else. Unfortunately, that’s just how it goes. It’s the circle of social life, children. There are also a million other people going through this all the time. You will probably find one of them someday and both be so sick of being the convenient friend that you will become best friends and won’t put each other in the “convenience” zone. That’s what luckily happened to me at least. So, there is hope.
Why do we put ourselves through it?
Because we’re human. We always long for acceptance. And when we don’t get it from someone like we want to, we do whatever it takes to get it sometimes. We live to please and unfortunately we are too busy trying to make others happy we forget about ourselves and our happiness.
So the moral of all this is that you’re worth more than waiting around for someone who doesn’t always come around, and do NOT let it affect your self-worth. I repeat: they’re not doing it to hurt you. I don’t want to make the people who do this look like the bad guys. I’m sure I’ve even done it without realizing it, and I’m sure you have too. So open your eyes to this stuff and see what’s going on, because you never know how it will affect someone.